Good Morning, Darling: Jessica K Photography: Journal

"Good Morning, Darling"
Journal Post
(Somewhat NSFW)

Having a vivid imagination is a blessing and a curse… One of the blessing’s is being able to create dream-like images and tell stories through my eyes. I am the type of person who romanticises everything, if you haven’t noticed. I care about the little moments a bit too much and focus on the future more than one should. 

 I am constantly dreaming, wishing I was in a fairytale, wishing I could be something else, somewhere else. The downfall is the nightmares and the fact I am constantly living in a false state of reality. 

 These images are some of the moments that I had been wishing I could capture for a while… waking up next to a human I never thought I would feel so deeply for. These were taken just as we woke-up in our hotel room. I woke to see his body illuminated by a soft orange glow from the sunrise and it was too good to let the moment pass without capturing. 

 I wish I could have captured all of those first moments, the delicate rush at the beginning where everything is confusing and we wanted to reject any feelings of vulnerability. 

We were in the middle of nowhere drenched in moonlight, laying in his arms in the back seat of his car, captivated by his green eyes, the sound of raindrops drowning out any rational thoughts… That night I fell in love. 

From then on it has been nothing short of incredible. This love is passionate, exciting, dangerous… We can be be in a screaming match one minute and the next we could be completely consumed by each other with our hearts beating in our chests. I have never felt more alive than when I am with him. 

 The last set I posted on here was very personal and I put it out into the world as an expression of myself. I have had such wonderful messages from a number of people and I can’t thank those people enough for giving me the support and love I needed in those moments.

  I am so glad to say that things are looking up, and i’m so grateful that I am able to share these moments with you visually and through the stories.

What's really been going on... : Journal Post: Jessica K Photography

What has really been going on...

So, this year. This year has definitely been an experience so far… The point of this post is honesty and although I will leave some small details out, this is about expression.

WARNING: NSFW SELF-PORTRAITS

Audio:

This year I have slowly been spiralling back into depression. Living with anxiety is bad enough because you constantly worry about everything, but then depression looms over you and suddenly you feel numb, don’t care about anything AND YOU’RE STILL STRESSING. 

Ever since I moved to Melbourne, my anxiety has been consuming me, dealing with living out of home, moving interstate and moving in with my partner was maybe a stupid idea all at once, i’ll accept that now. With that said, I don’t regret anything, I have met incredible people, had wonderful experiences and i’ve been to new places.

I love Melbourne and part of me wishes I didn’t because now my heart is torn between two cities. I wish I could stay here I really do, but everything the universe throws at me is telling me that I need to move home to safety. Friends, family, familiar places, support and love. I have made brilliant new friends down here but I need the people who have dealt with me in this state of mind before. The problem with all of this is that more than anything I want to push everyone away and i’m a person that runs away from her problems… here I am doing it yet again.

These images were taken at the location of the next Fears Series shoot, directly before shooting and directly before the end of my long term relationship. There’s something surreal about looking back on images of yourself when you were younger and just wondering what it would be like to live that carelessly again, to feel like you’re worth something again, not worry about who you’re letting down today, to just live again. 

This is a scrapbook of my really awful childhood drawings. 

The little girl I was when I was younger wouldn’t have wanted me to be this hopeless. She wanted to be a fairy or a mermaid when she grew up, she wanted to create art everyday and she wanted to be happy. Instead I feel like I have morphed into a self destructive anxiety riddled mess. I had a few years there where I had been living without any suicidal thoughts and that was great and all but now we’re back where we started anyway. I’m having a hard time getting to work and when I eventually do drag myself out of bed for it I feel like i’m on the urge of a breakdown for the entire experience.

My jewellery box, notice the little guitar scribbled on the front.

One of my favourite lockets during primary school.

The location of these images is an abandoned house next door to mine which is on my grandfathers property, it is filled with most of my childhood memories and miscellaneous junk. 

As I was leaving for Melbourne to throw my left over belongings through the door, I noticed the brilliant orange glow that bounced off the pastel pink walls in the room, illuminating my dollhouse and stuffed toys… Nostalgia summed up in one single experience. 

 Now to switch the mood from warm golden light to false blue bathroom lighting in my small Melbourne apartment. These images are a visual representation of what it feels like to be completely alone and vulnerable while suffering from a panic attack. 

So where do I go from here? Who the hell knows. This post doesn’t really have an ending because well, it’s not over. All I know for sure is that I can create from this, and that’s what i’ll do until things get better… 

Behind The Scenes: Angel of Death: The Fears Series: Jessica K Photography

Hello everyone!

It is about time for another BTS post.

This is from the first image shot for The Fears Series, The Angel of Death.

You can find the original post here.

A 3am start for a sunrise shoot, you can just imagine how we were all feeling. Enjoy!

Modeling is Amy Jacobs

Make-up and SPFX by Ally Jenkins 

Film and Assistance from Yaron Topp

Concept, Retouching, Photography, Styling by Jessica Kirby of Jessica K Photography

Rex Australis Sculpture by Dean Coll

 Ally applying the bald cap to Amy

 Yaron on hair dryer duty, honestly the things I rope that poor man into is ridiculous 

 Amy is feeling super happy about turning bald at 4 in the morning

 Pose thoughts written on a reciept 

 Ally working her blending magic

 And we were on our way! The sun had started to rise and it was a race to location. Thank goodness I took this image out the window of the car, I later composited it into the final image.

 Yaron being majestic for the composite of the dress

 It was only 10 degrees on the side of the highway and slightly raining, totally brilliant modeling conditions. SORRY AMY.

 The base image for the final.

 Gathering images for the dress composite, Yaron and Ally throwing the fabric into the air to create the effect.

 Un-retouched portraits

And we're done!

I have been working on a Patreon page for a while now to help support me through this project and through my other creative endevours, every little bit counts and I am so excited to send out care packages for my supporters! You can help out here.

The Fears Series: Angel of Death. Jessica K Photography

When researching for this project I set up a survey and posted it out to the wonderful people on my social media pages. I asked people what their fears were and if they knew where the root of the fear was. I expected to get back lots of spiders, sharks, the dark etc... Which sure enough I did, but I also recieved a lot of responces where that persons main fear was Cancer. 

This did take me back, because I hadn't put much thought to it. When I was deciding what topic to shoot first for this series I originally thought it would be something visually frightening, something violent and hauting but since this had stood out from so many people I believed that it was right for the first image. 

Inspired by stories from the people I interviewed and the people who responded to my questions, this is my depiciton of the Angel of Death based on the fear of Cancer.

Modeling is Amy Jacobs
Make-up and SPFX by Ally Jenkins 
Film and Assistance from Yaron Topp
Concept, Retouching, Photography, Styling by Jessica Kirby of Jessica K Photography
Rex Australis Sculpture by Dean Coll

I have been working on a Patreon page for a while now to help support me through this project and through my other creative endevours, every little bit counts and I am so excited to send out care packages for my supporters! You can help out here.